JOKES

[PR's Old Account (DO NOT PM)]

Post funny jokes here. I want to hear funny jokes.

Joke rules:
- they are jokes, so none of the site rules apply. Racist, sexist, and otherwise offensive jokes are acceptable.

As such, I am updating this with this warning:

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WARNING

Offensive content here. Read at own risk.

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You have been warned. So now if you get offended, its your own damn fault for reading, and need not complain. Thanks.

[ak27]

What do you call a black cowboy?



Toasted Western

[jason]

what do you call a black pilot


A pilot you fuckin racist

[ak27]

stupid joke

[ak27]

Why should you be careful when you put your hand in a jelly hand jar?


The black ones will try to take your watch or rings

[zetts40]

Well since they have all been racist jokes,

What do you call 4 black guys in a red sleeping bag?

Kit-Kat bar

[Personnel Representative]

I was at a party the other night and there was a smokin hot native chick there, and she was very playful and didn't take any offense to any of the following I said over the course of 2 hours.

1. Oh, you're in college? Are you studying to become an elder?
2. Its getting cold in here, hey, can you go kill a caribou and knit me a sweater?
3. (A mouse ran by the room) Wait, why are we hunting it? Just give her a bow!
4. (She runs to grab the phone) Wow, you ran for that as if it was a message that you were going to get land back or something.

And many, many more...

[xx - Former Blues-xx]

hahaha,she never responded

[Deleted]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
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A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"
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A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
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Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken

[xx - Former Blues-xx]

i just read the q's and a's part

[tjhaskell]

What do you do when a Blonde throws a hand
grenade at you?

Pull the pin, and throw it back!!!!!

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Three blondes are hiking and they see a pair of tracks the first blonde says these are bear tracks, the second blonde said no there rabbit tracks, then the third blonde says no there wolf tracks then they all get hit by a train

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Q: WHAT DO U CALL A DEAD BLONDE IN THE CLOSET

A: Last years hide and seek winner !

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A blonde girl was talking to her brunette
friend about her boyfriends dandriff problem.
The brunnete says why dont you give him Head
and Shoulders. The blonde replies, how do
you give shoulders?

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Q:Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollar bill who gets it??

A: No one the first four dont exsist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!

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There were 2 blondes, a Russian and an American blonde. "We went to outerspace first" said the russian blonde. "Well we went to the moon first" said the American blonde. "We are gonna be the first to go to the sun" said the russian. "How are you gonna do that?" said the american. "We have it all planned out. We are going at night time!"

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Confuscious say: Man who stuck in pantry got his ass in a jam.


i dunno why but this one is one of my favorite confuscious jokes.

Confuscious say: Man who masterbates with peanut butter is fucking nuts!

more to come later

[tjhaskell]

There was this man and woman, and they were married. Well, the woman was always horny and wanted sex all the time. The husband had to go away on a business trip and needed something to keep his wife satisfies until he got back. He went to a pleasure place looking for dildos. He walked in and asked to see all the dildos. the man took all of them out except for one. the man told him he wanted to see the one in the box. the man said that it wasn't for sale. He finally talked him into taking it out and looking at it. the man said,"this is a voodoo dick. let me demonstrate. Voodoo dick the keyhole." the voodoo dick went over to the door and started doing to keyhole. the man said,"voodoo dick back in your box." Well the man finally talked him into letting him buy the voodoo dick. He took it home and told his wife that whenever she got horny just say voodoo dick my pussy. he left and she got really horny and said,"voodoo dick my pussy." well she had an orgasm and wanted it to stop. she couldn't get it to stop, she tried pulling at it hitting it and everything. she got in her car to go to the doctor to see if hecould stop it. her foot kept hitting the gas really hard and a cop pulled her over. he asked her what she was doing and she told him about the voodoo dick. The cop smurked and said,"yeah, voodoo dick my ass."!!!!

[tjhaskell]

A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find that it overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"

The blind man replies: "if you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"

[daddoo]

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

Both empty from the neck up.

What do women and airplanes have in common?

Both have cockpits.

[Colorado Avalanche]

A man runs over a woman in his truck whos fault is it?
The mans, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

Whats the difference between black people and snow tires?
Snow tires dont sing when you put chains on them

Why don't the mexicans do well at the olympics?
Cus any mexican that can run jump and swim has already made it to america.

What do you say if you walk downstairs at night and see you're tv floating?
Usually you'd say drop it n*gga, but now you'd say come on barrack i voted for you dawg.

What did hitler say to the black jew?
Back of the oven.

Sorry bout the last one... i died a little inside when i heard it.

[xx - Former Penguins-xx]

My favorite Maple Leafs joke:

Desperate for offense, Toronto signs a prospect from Iraq who apparently is the next best thing in hockey.

In his first game, Toronto is down 3-0 to Montreal in the 3rd period. The Iraqi gets a natural hat trick, and then the OT winner to give Toronto a 4-3 win. After the game, he calls his Mom to give her the news.

"Mom! Mom! I did it! I score 4 goals, we won, everyone love me here! All the news people are talking about me, it is just great!"

She says: "Oh...well, that's great my son." (insert sad sigh).

"Mom? What is it?"

"Well son, here is what happened today. Your sister was raped, your brother joined a gang, and your father was shot in the street."

"But Mom, what does this have to do with my game?"

"My son, it was you that made us move to Toronto in the first place!"

[PR's Old Account (DO NOT PM)]

Nov 24, 2008 18:24:01 GMT -5 Colorado Avalanche said:

A man runs over a woman in his truck whos fault is it?
The mans, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

Whats the difference between black people and snow tires?
Snow tires dont sing when you put chains on them

Why don't the mexicans do well at the olympics?
Cus any mexican that can run jump and swim has already made it to america.

What do you say if you walk downstairs at night and see you're tv floating?
Usually you'd say drop it n*gga, but now you'd say come on barrack i voted for you dawg.

What did hitler say to the black jew?
Back of the oven.

Sorry bout the last one... i died a little inside when i heard it.

These have been the best so far. Good work.

[xx - Former Penguins-xx]

Why are black people so good at basketball?

They know how to shoot, run, and steal.

How can you cause a riot in Mexico?

Roll a penny down a hill.

How can you find the richest person in Mexico?

Find the guy who picked up the penny.

And, another Maple Leafs joke:

How many Leafs fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Six: one to screw in the lightbulb, and five to reminiscese (spelling?) about how great the old lightbulb was.

[tjhaskell]

hahaha I love this thread! Here is another joke

A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.

The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."

The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."

The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"

[tjhaskell]

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

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Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry

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Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"