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Post by PR's Old Account (DO NOT PM) on Sept 1, 2008 14:01:17 GMT -5
I spy, with my GoldenEye...
a shapely female form
Topic
Women (et. al) Pre-Rant declarations Okay, so first I have a few declarations to make: 1) I am male. 2) I am a feminist The Rant, in General As a league primarily consisting of men, (and mainly younger, teenaged man), I have taken it upon myself to educate all of you (and myself, in some ways) of the horrors you and I get to avoid by being born with a penis. I am talking about the hell called child-birth. And I really do use the term hell without hyperbole.
A Few Key Points of Labor (the stuff they do and don't tell you):
8-10LB person coming out of a 2 1/2 diameter hole - Lets start at the terrifying beginning, which is ironically, the end - sort of. That baby's gotta come out, and where does it come out gents? That's right, most of the time, it comes out of the chick's vag. And for those of us who have seen, and touched them in person, we can all agree that they aren't that big. So there is inevitably some tearing, stretching, and often the woman heads home with quite a few stiches. Tearing can be rather extreme, as its not overly uncommon for a woman to tear from her 'gina, right down to her anus. This is the "natural" birth - this is also why God is clearly a man... Glad to be male yet? There's more. Placenta - after the baby is born, the woman must "birth" the placenta. Not as bad as the baby, but its still more work for after the baby's out. For pics, click here. They are mildly gruesome. Poop - And we're not talking about the baby here... From what I have read, this is how that works: passing the child through your vagina compresses the intestine and has a tendency to push any fecal material inside of it out of the body. As such, during labour, mothers will inevitably make a huge mess of the bed. And, to top that off, there are often quite a few people in that room with you, so its not a private act in some corner where no one notices.... Anti-Pain medication/Epidural - Sounds like a good idea, right? Why the hell would anyone NOT want an epidural to numb all of this pain discussed above. Well, get this. Since the epidural is an injection into your spine, risks include long-lasting headaches (we're taking weeks/months), paralysis, and, in some cases, death [death is caused if the needle happens to hit a vein, rather than the right section of the spine, and it is just like death via lethal injection - from my understanding, it basically enters your bloodstream and shuts everything down. There is also the risk of infection]. Last Note I have heard that the pain of birth is comparable to a shot in the nads. Consider this gents. A shot in the go-gos takes about 5-10 mins to pass. Labour averages 12-14 hours. HOURS!!!!!!! There is probably more, but I wrote enough and have probably scared you all to death by now anyways. Coming Soon - "The Sixth One"Possible topics include: - who knows... - I still take suggestions |
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Post by 0luke0 on Sept 1, 2008 14:05:24 GMT -5
painfull I'm glad im a boy!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by xx - former Devils GM - xx on Sept 1, 2008 14:25:47 GMT -5
MEN RULE!
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Post by 0luke0 on Sept 1, 2008 14:32:22 GMT -5
Uhhh yeah but I still girls
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Post by PR's Old Account (DO NOT PM) on Sept 1, 2008 14:37:28 GMT -5
Uhhh yeah but I still girls ...you "still girls" eh?....That's pretty fascinating...... |
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Post by 0luke0 on Sept 1, 2008 14:38:35 GMT -5
I meant to say Still like gurls LOL
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Post by PR's Old Account (DO NOT PM) on Sept 1, 2008 14:40:04 GMT -5
Of course. This was meant to encourage respect for mothers and women in general. These gals are hardcore!
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Post by xx-Former Avalanche-xx on Sept 1, 2008 15:31:01 GMT -5
My wife has given birth two times. Our first, our beautiful daughter took about 12 hours in the hospital. It was super painful and my wife definitely got the shot for pain. She was born on April 1st and as a joke, the nurse said to me, "congratulations, you are the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy....." I said, you must be kidding, we were told in the ultrasound that she was a girl?!?!?" The nurse replied, "April fools!!" And it hit me that it was April fools day. (true story). I almost missed my son's birth. My wife was brought upstairs and she actually wanted to walk upstairs to the room herself. Then the nurse took her measurement, and we were told that I should go downstairs and get her clothes bag out of the van and bring them upstairs cause the birth should be that night. So I went downstairs and called my wife's mother and on the way back in, the security guard asked me if I was Mr. XXXX? I said, yes I am. And he told me to run up to the delivery room because my wife is in labor. I flew up the stairs, luggage bouncing off the walls as I ran and got to the delivery room. I left the luggage at the door and ran to my wife's side. I saw my sons head already coming out and the nurse was delivering him. Then the doctor stormed into the room, tripped over the luggage that i left there lmao, and then finished delivering my healthy baby boy. So, overall, I would say that it is one of life's most special, exciting, hectic, worry-some, painful, blissful moments. And right now my beautiful 7 year old daughter is watching me write this and she has a look of happiness on her face. Being a Dad is awesome.  Cheers. |
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Post by 0luke0 on Sept 1, 2008 15:34:37 GMT -5
cool. I wanna be old soon |
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Post by PR's Old Account (DO NOT PM) on Sept 1, 2008 15:53:28 GMT -5
My wife has given birth two times. Our first, our beautiful daughter took about 12 hours in the hospital. It was super painful and my wife definitely got the shot for pain. She was born on April 1st and as a joke, the nurse said to me, "congratulations, you are the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy....." I said, you must be kidding, we were told in the ultrasound that she was a girl?!?!?" The nurse replied, "April fools!!" And it hit me that it was April fools day. (true story). I almost missed my son's birth. My wife was brought upstairs and she actually wanted to walk upstairs to the room herself. Then the nurse took her measurement, and we were told that I should go downstairs and get her clothes bag out of the van and bring them upstairs cause the birth should be that night. So I went downstairs and called my wife's mother and on the way back in, the security guard asked me if I was Mr. XXXX? I said, yes I am. And he told me to run up to the delivery room because my wife is in labor. I flew up the stairs, luggage bouncing off the walls as I ran and got to the delivery room. I left the luggage at the door and ran to my wife's side. I saw my sons head already coming out and the nurse was delivering him. Then the doctor stormed into the room, tripped over the luggage that i left there lmao, and then finished delivering my healthy baby boy. So, overall, I would say that it is one of life's most special, exciting, hectic, worry-some, painful, blissful moments. And right now my beautiful 7 year old daughter is watching me write this and she has a look of happiness on her face. Being a Dad is awesome. Cheers. Hahaha. Those are awesome stories. Very solid contribution to this post, cause its important for people to get that it totally is cool,and in most cases worth it. and although I am not there yet, I am sure I will soon be one of those people talking about how amazing it was to be there for the birth of my baby. We're hoping the ultrasound's right, cause otherwise our kid's gonna have A LOT of off-gender clothes (which I am actually ok with, in theory, but becomes difficult in practice). |
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Post by Personnel Representative on Sept 1, 2008 20:54:36 GMT -5
Everywhere I read how "as soon as he/she was born it finally hit me", it, in most cases, being what it truly means when people use the term "you say that now, but when you have kids it's a totally different story". I truly believe there is a big difference, and not having a kid to having one definitely alters your life on a lot of issues and maybe even a lot of opinions you have alwasy maintained. I am really, really looking forward to when I'm in the same boat as you two, and hopefully it will only be a year or two away.... hopefully lol.
Good writeup.
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Post by islesfan90 on Sept 2, 2008 16:48:50 GMT -5
Just get a c section
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